Sunday, April 7, 2019

How My Sister-sHero Showed Up!

Your Soul Cafe: Conversations that Open Hearts and Inspire Actions



"Sisters are fierce, fragile, and forever." ~Anon

After seven months of silence from my alma mater and those mentioned in September's blog post "Abuse, Betrayal, and Mean Girls at 65"I was done
All weekend, information trickled into newsfeeds about my college reunion and my "college sisters," triggering a tsunami of emotions. 

Today after being unwilling to speak about the lack of any resolution to a trolling, name-calling, and defaming situation in my college alumnae group, I posted this on Facebook: 


"It's heart-breaking to remove your undergraduate credentials from everywhere; happily I have two Masters' degrees. Silent abuse isn't allowed in my house." 

Removing words that tied me to the past and to a college that no longer empowered me, seemed like a proactive ritual that would help me let go and move on...



Natalie Goldberg's advice inspired today's post and the previous blog post "Abuse, Betrayal, and Mean Girls at 65." What's also been interesting and sad to see (or not see) are the women who I thought were my closest college sisters and their complete silence about my story which is a universal one. Conversely, college sisters who I hadn't heard from since our 1974 graduation showed up with keen insights and reflections! 

"Split open" with sadness, Facebook friends weighed in about today's post...and then, this is how my blood sister-sHero unexpectedly appeared:
Giving blood at Inova Hospital, VA.
"Cathy Raymond. Ahem, I'm the only woman who has the right and privilege to call you sister. Calling a group you've never met sisters waters that down. 

For perspective, you weren't betrayed by someone who loves, cares, and has your best interests in mind. 
You were trolled by an anonymous, gutless critic.

Some women don't address problems directly, but sideways or underhandedly. 
They lack confidence and power.
To correct what she thought was incorrect use of the group page, she could have messaged you directly and contacted the group page administrator. Done.
What she did instead was to try to defame you in front of the group of women you've found supportive.

Hard to develop the skill of being truthful and considerate at the same time.
Perhaps you could teach more about writing from your power at the college? 
It's a poorly written bad review of your website, not your writing which she didn't address.

Getting a bad review is the price we pay for putting ourselves out there, and the price most women are unwilling to pay...so we keep quiet.

I heard that some authors don't do their own social media for that reason. Hard to be sensitive enough to write creatively and yet not let meanspirited jabs get to us.


You provide a great transformative service for many women, but not all women it appears. 
Her loss.

I've found some Christians get scared by talk of angels, moon signs, and divination. I steer clear of those topics in conversations with them both to respect their boundaries and my unwillingness to open myself to ridicule and scorn or just even having to explain my views. 
Too wearisome.

I applaud that you share your unique perspective about life and living without censoring for "What would a Southern Baptist want to hear?" 
Keep going. 
The women who need your help will find you.

Looks like you've graduated from college a second time. 


Maybe it's not the place that it once was, a place you could express your unique God-given talents regardless of your religion. Alumnae pages are the best places to share your accomplishments. I hope the administration recognizes that. 

It's not like you are selling shampoo."

After reading the two Facebook posts, a heart sister suggested, 
"Your blood sister is awesome. 
If I were you, I would use her as a role model to compare any other women with whom you are considering letting in close. 
Your true sister is a keeper.
Copy that.

I love and thank you, Cathy Sue--my sis, my sHero!
Radiant healer, writer, teacher and wise woman!

17 comments:

  1. Dearest Lore, you are surrounded by so much love and wisdom. I am glad you are letting go by writing and sharing your experience so we can all reflect on what was done to us and heal along with you and also reflect on where we were silent and decide to stand up and support our women friends and sisters. I can relate to how much it stings to be left out... for me incidents like that can trigger the most painful wounds. I also know that when you shine your light and become visible, it will stir resentments, jealousies and attacks from others who are not healed yet. Know that it is a mark of your next level of success and that you are in good company, all successful women experienced it in one form or another. Keep shining. Keep writing. Hugs.

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    1. Awww, you are most kind, Rachel. Your reflections and suggestions are appreciated. I pray that this is DONE and DONE. TIime to move on to other happpy, creations. Yet as you said, lots of learnnins has unfolded in this painful growth process.

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  2. WOW Lore. Such a wide awakening moment. I'm sorry for what you went through, but what I've learned is that it takes pain or some kind hardship to shine on to us the blessings. Your sister did that for you, and dam are you so lucky to a sister like that. Keep writing. Much love.

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    1. I agree, I am very lucky to have my blood sis and also heart sisters, like you, Laura. The blessings are shining...I am moving on and through to other things less dramatic and painful. Thank YOU for your kind words.

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  4. It's an interesting world we live in Lore, sometimes it's hard to understand why people react the way they do. May God be with you during your troubled times and may the Angels surround you in love.

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  5. I remember that post, Lore, and I remember feeling outraged at how some women take out their insecurities by being mean to other women instead of taking pleasure in what their alumni have achieved. There are so many of us who love and appreciate you - you've got it all!

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  6. Real sisters love you no matter what, and they don't have to be blood relatives wither!

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  7. You are surrounded my the love and light of so many true sisters. Bathe in that love and let it buoy you during this challenging time. Always love <3

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  8. Such a blessing to have a Sister sHero as Cathy! I remember this terrible trolling incident and how you tackled it head on and rose above the fray despite your heartbreak. Please keep shining your light!
    Much love, Kathleen

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  9. Your sister nails it and she should be a role model for us all! As you know, I was not satisfied with the way our college handled things, and it saddens me that they don't care what I think. The issue of betrayal is one I have experienced more than I would like, but my Mama always insists there is personal growth to be gained from adversity. I try to look at the intent of the person. Those we love the most have the power to hurt us the most. I believe we can accidentally betray friends or make a bad choice that results in betrayal and our hearts still hold love and respect for that friend. Other times, there is no love or respect there and in fact, an intent to hurt. For those people, some of whom I thought were life long friends, I try to let it go, acknowledging that we really have nothing in common as adults, acquaintances not friends...but that 13 year old in me hurts at being left out when my childhood friends gathered, and I saw the photo on Facebook afterwards. My 64 year old self is thankful for the real friendships I have. I can see that you are similarly blessed with many real friends, awesome writing skills, and a kick ass sister!

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    1. We are blessed, Lucy. And I am letting it go. Must. Thanks for your kind compassion. And yes, she is a kickass sister!

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